My mum wasn’t particularly thrilled when I told her I was trying out online dating. To her it seemed dangerous and uncertain because you don’t know who you’re meeting. And to a point she is correct – according to university research** done in Australia, 81% of people using online dating lie about their age, weight, height and penis size. And although you can’t get away with that when meeting face-to-face (except for the penis size…), who’s to say that the person you meet at the gym or the coffee shop (a.k.a “Organic Dating”) isn’t a serial killer? Or, less dramatically, something you just didn’t expect.
I’ve had a crush on the lab courier that comes to my work since before I became single. He was perfection, a delicious milk-chocolate button of gooey yum and I saw him first before my work colleagues. His hotness, though, had spread to other clinics and eventually there was a friendly rivalry between myself and another nurse at a different clinic. Every time he came in I always said to myself, “this is the day I’ll actually say something”, but it always seemed that either I was busy and couldn’t chat, or he rushed in and rushed out before I could even say “Here’s the faecal sample”. But then the day came a few weeks ago when I actually had a small conversation with him, which wasn’t about the sample I was handing over, and I gave him a smile and the old hair toss trick – a fist pump moment! And then two days later the news came from the rival nurse that Hot Lab Courier Guy had a kid…and one on the way.
Now if that guy had have been online, I could have skipped the whole taking an eternity to pluck up the courage to say a few words of a conversation to him, and just cut straight to the chase. With online dating you even get a chance to find out if they’re compatible with you before any words are exchanged, thanks to those clever algorithms dating sites have in place – pick your favourite ethnicity, do you want a non-drug-user, are you a chubby chaser. And that’s great isn’t it…except for one small flaw.
Your algorithm matched me with my ex. True story.
**Although one-third of online dating matches don’t end up on an actual date, it is approximately $9000 cheaper than organic dating due to two factors – 1.) you each pay for your own meal and drinks, or split the bill, and 2.) you marry two years earlier, thus combining your incomes. You are also 2% less likely to experience divorce. **University Research into Online Dating
I am currently in a conundrum with a guy I’ve been chatting online with. He’s gorgeous, very mature, loves dogs and actually calls me to have a conversation. This has been going on for about a month and I still haven’t met him in person. And it’s not from a lack of trying, I’ve tried…4? times to organise a date with Hot Lawyer Guy. He’s busy being a lawyer, I guess, although last week when we were supposed to meet up he called me to say he was sick. At least he bothered to call me, and I feel he is a genuine person because, quite frankly, who on earth strings someone along for a month with no personal gain? Even a serial killer needs an endgame.
If I don’t write again in 4 weeks time, send help.